Field of Dreams
|Opened on:||Monday, February 24, 2014 - 23:29|
|Last modified:||Friday, February 28, 2014 - 01:35|
So over to our roving reporter at the newly refitted Foldit stadium
“Yes indeed! Here we are again outside this Foldit stadium. A building that has been beleaguered with technical problems resulting in the postponement of most fixtures since the failure to fully reopen some weeks ago” states the reporter “ Today I’m pleased to have with me here, one of the designers who is going to accompany us on a guided tour. I’m sure we’re all looking forward to seeing the progress made since that last visit”
“ Hello” says the designer with a big smile.
“ OK! Lets start at the entrance hall. Please lead on”
After a short walk across an immaculate car park (the more pristine for having very few cars in it) our intrepid reporter, crew and designer enter the ticketing and entrance area. The reporter turns in earnest..
“ So here it is. We can see that this all looks much as before although the queue lanes and turnstiles appear to have been repositioned into something resembling an assault course”
“ Ahh yes” says the designer “ I’m sure the working committee will work on this area as further detailed information becomes available”
“ This has not been forthcoming?”
“ Well” smiles the designer “ I wouldn’t say that…I believe they are simply keeping options open and avoiding spending money before the final layout is complete”
Picking up on a reluctance to expand on this, the reporter asks “Now I bet all our viewers would like to see the new playing field so we have a special treat today…we are going to walk through the entrance tunnel!”
Turning to the designer “Shall we?”
“But of course” beams the designer and, avoiding a number of exhausted entrants, leads the way.
In the tunnel, the light at the end is quite blinding. They have to hug the wall as a troop of football players run past them - followed by a lacrosse team who are struggling to stay ahead of some basketball players. Eventually the entourage emerge into……a thick fog.
“This isn’t quite what I was expecting” says a bemused reporter “I can barely see a hand in front of my face. This is most unfortunate for our viewers”
“A minor hiccup” says a voice (thought to be the designer) “An unfortunate hitch with the air-conditioning”
Keen to impress with knowledge the designer continues “As u know, Fitting the new opening roof is an integral part of the new design. The working committee are still getting to grips with the operation hence the slight mist when it is closed. I’m sure they’ll sort it shortly”
“And the rain?”
“Just a little condensation from the roof structure. Keeps everything fresh don’t ya think?”
“Right….. Will we still get to see some play?” hesitates the reporter.
“Of course! We’ll go to the end of the pitch and watch some action”
Bouyed up by this enthusiastic tone of voice, they turn, narrowly avoid collision with a rugby team, and saunter down the sideline. It is at this point that the cameraman falls over. Rushing to help, the cause becomes clear….the field is composed of squishy, cloying mud 6” deep.
“My word! I’ve never seen a playing field in such a state! When is it to be finished?”
“ It IS finished.” admonishes the designer. “ Fantastic idea, Revolutionary! Years of development have shown that the associated reduction in game speed will save a fortune in high speed cameras – not to mention reduced refereeing costs!”
“Who will need a replay when everything has been seen in such glorious slow-mo already?”
“ If we’ve seen anything at all through the fog of course” snipes the reporter.
Sidestepping a volley ball team and after helping a pool player who has his arm stuck in the mud they reach the baseline. The pool player is rather unhappy and insists that help was not necessary – he was trying to find his cue ball, is now at a complete loss and close to tears.
Slightly out of breath and smudging mud down his jacket as he attempts to straighten his tie, the reporter turns to camera and announces “Here we are then – the base line. The place where victories are won. Err…There’s a goal of some sort?”
“ Sure there is….look behind you…..we have a few”
“A few?” he asks.
“Absolutely….we like to move and swop them about.” Opines the designer.
Before this snippet of wisdom is fully appreciated, things take a turn for the worse when a muffled “Fore!” is heard. Quickly followed by a ”thwack”, a “slap” and (a little surprisingly) a “ whinny. It’s fair to say that all were lucky to make it over the hoarding before the offended, wild-eyed polo pony shot past – dragging his rider behind him.
The reporter decides to get in quick with his main questions. “Clearly there is some work in progress here – can u confirm that all will be ready for the start of the league in 2 ½ months?”
“Err….well….err…..Well as u can see” he finally spits out “the players are working hard at many play strategies. I’m sure everything will be just dandy by then”
Hearing a few screams and obscenities from the pitch, a sound tech asks if things are ok out on the ‘field’. “ Oh – don’t u worry son they’ll be just fine – they always calm down eventually. Of course, the more they fight amongst themselves, the less they interfere with us!” sniggers the designer.
A cricketer is stretchered off past them all. No one’s too sure how the baseball bat got where it appears to be.
Fearing some awkward questions about player injuries and losses (not to mention the wide eyed grimace from the sound tech) the designer decides that the job of escorting the tour was not turning out to be the ‘easy number’ promised by his comrades, so he quickly adds “I’m afraid that’s all I have time for. I’m missing a very important meeting”
“But what about our viewers’ questions? We haven’t even looked at the tweets and e-mails yet” The reporter looks stressed and not a little cross “ it’s taken me six weeks to get this tour and interview – throw a dog a bone huh? Something for the viewers? Come on please? There must be some progress to report?” he pleads.
To make his point the designer half turns as he leaves, saying “Must go, must go. Very important meeting with the other designers – been working on it for weeks. Can’t afford a moment more”
“ More important than your viewers is it?” sneers a crew.
“ Of course it is” beams the designer “ we’re considering the shape and size of the ball to be used”
“What about the weight?” laughed a smart alec from the back.
And so it was that the designer’s expression got him on the front page of the papers (as well as the telly)